Monday, May 4, 2009

Where’s Mike Holmes when you need him?

Before I have a chance to cross casket off my ‘To Do’ list my brother asks a simple question. “How big is the casket cause Len was a big guy”?
Brad looks at us and says, “Well it is for a average size person. How big was Len?”
“Len is a really big guy” Chris replies again.
“In that case then this casket will not do, you will have to order the oversized one” said Brad.
“OK, then lets order that,” I say thinking we are on a roll here lets not lose the momentum.
Brad proceeds to pull out a larger sized brochure from his files. We don’t even look at the pictures we just request the simplest and cheapest box. Brad tells us as delicately as he can that there is a slight difference in price from the regular to the oversized. We look at him expectantly while he clears his throat and takes a deep breath. “An oversized, plain box casket will cost us $2000.00!”
In her ‘I am mother' voice my mom points her finger at us and says “One of you go build a casket. How hard can it be just slap some boards together?”
My sister Kerry replies, “Mom, the only one of your children who can build a casket is the one who is going to be in it!
By this time I think I am starting to lose it, and say” fine we will just squish him in the regular sized casket and I will sit on the top while Chris nails the lid on.”
It was after this comment that our trusty personal funeral coordinator Brad loses his decorum and burst into hysterical laughter. We look at him somewhat shocked and then realize just how ridiculous we all must sound to him. It seems laughter is not something a funeral home is used to hearing as staff come running from all parts of the building to see what is going on in the reception room. At this moment Brad must of noticed he crossed the funeral coordinator line and quickly puts his suit jacket back on and tries to gather up his professionalism.

I figure we have caused enough trouble for Brad and make a suggestion that we better go before we get him fired. We inform Brad that when Len is found we will make a decision about what type of box to put him in. But regardless if Len makes it or not we are having the funeral in two days.


  1. It seemed that the preperations for Lens funeral lasted over a week. Oh! right they did. Far far to long.

  2. Unbelievable! $2,000 for a few extra inches? That families face these sorts of things is shocking, because I know you're not alone. Can it get any worse? Curious... Thanks for posting again, Pam