Friday, May 22, 2009

An Update on the Job Front

I guess if you would like the quick update “I still have no job”. If you are one, who likes all my little details then I will give you the two-page update. So grab an ice tea and get comfy, we could be here a while.

So first, as some of you might know my husband is an autoworker (I can hear the collective ohhhhhh), yes ohhhhhh is right. He has been working for Chrysler for 22 years and at this time is on a layoff. Now understand we have been through layoffs on and off for years, for the first six months after our first child was born he was home with us on a layoff. The difference now is the way the media carries on, putting so much fear in everyone and also I am not working. And of course our expenses are much higher now.

He has been home since the May 4th and is hopping to go back in July. The one great thing with him being home is our front and back yards look amazing! He now has the time to get every weed before it even has the chance to bloom. I wish you all could see the yard it is green and weed free. It looks great and he is doing an awesome job.

Now enough of him and back to me (it is my blog after all). I went yesterday and spoke to the principle at our youngest daughters school about setting up a sandwich bar for the students and teachers in the 2009/10 year. She goes to a school that is kindergarten to grade 12 and they have no food services in the building but a few vending machines. At this time they are in the midst of adding a new wing to the school, which will be the new home for the high school, new senior level gymnasium/auditorium and a commercial sized kitchen. The hope is for it to be complete for September 1st.

I have had friends in the past suggest I do something with the school along this line. I am a confident cook and have worked in food services in the past even managed cafeterias back in my day. I now do a fair amount of cooking for the school for fundraising events, staff meeting, and school events. The principal and I talked I made an informal proposal (really to find out if it is worth my time even bothering), he liked the idea and felt it would be a great and a much need service to the school. We talked about what the school numbers are looking like for next year and a timetable. Sunshine’s husband has offered to help me with the proposal as he has extensive knowledge in this field in exchange I will cook the family dinner on Sunday.

But you all know me I just don’t know about all this. It scares the crap out of me, I did a little research on the Internet and spoke to board of health and kinda freaked myself out. I think if I could have someone else do all this pre-work and I just have to come in and run the day-to-day then I would be good, this unknown stuff is scaring me. Sunshine’s keeps asking me what I want out of it? What am I looking for in this opportunity? That woman always makes me think about stuff I don’t want to think about. I guess… what I want is to be able to keep my daughter at this school (is a private school, in which we pay for her to be their) and make a living that covers the cost of tuition and helps to pay off some of our personal debt. The plus with this job opportunity is the hours would work for the family, and I would still be available for the school holidays. I would be around people I already know as we have been with the school since the teenager was four years old. I would be doing work I enjoy (always like being around food) and I have experience in this field.

What freaks me out is #1 the threat of REJECTION, #2 the start up cost and #3 the big one for me, the unknown. But as what has been pointed out to me, what do I have to lose, I can’t find work anywhere else, the most the school can say is NO. And in either case means we are going to have to pull ‘the little one’ out and send her to a public school. I just don’t know maybe when Sunshine and her family come on Sunday and we crunch some numbers and put stuff down on paper I might feel not so scared.

Now on to other developments, I got a phone call this morning from a headhunter. My husband spoke to her as I was at Louise’s eating quiche this morning. He gave her our email address and she sent me an email which I replied to and attached my resume (new revised Jingling resume). So I don’t know what will happen with that, probably nothing.

Sunshine’s says I am all negative today, and she is right. It has been a rough week for me, I actually broke down in Church this past Sunday crying (felt like a fool). But it is so much work trying to stay positive all the time. I’m not supporting the family, he’s on a layoff and the industry is so uncertain, is the teenager getting out of control, will the little one be able to stay at her school, do we need to sell the house etc…. and I don’t see any end is sight. I am afraid to go online and check the bank balance as ever time I do I have to transfer from the line of credit to the chequing and then I feel like a bigger loser. I feel, though my husband has not ever come right out and said it, that a lot of our money issues now are my fault because I didn’t want to do daycare anymore and wanted to go back out to work.

I have tried to look at this time, as an opportunity to do things I could never do before like class trips, be on my own, write the blog, etc but it has now been over 8 months and I don’t know how much longer we can hang on. I am not sure what to do keep the ‘little one’ in the expensive school, sell the house and move to something smaller, or crawl under a rock and hide. Now if I want to get myself really worked up, I can think that we only have one more year of high school left for the teenager and then university starts. Where is that money going to come from?

Well I have almost filled up two pages of my negativity. Kids will be home from school and I need to start, pretending anyway that I am great and wonderful and happy, happy, happy!


  1. ohhh... Carolin, You should know that adding all this negativity is not going to help .. TRUST ME I do know how you are feeling ... You have a great husband and you took vows to stand by each other through hard times I am sure he has never even thought that .... try and stay positive as someone told me once God does not give us anything that he doesn't know we can handle. Hang in there!!!!

  2. Wow Carolin, that was a mouth full. first of all I have know you for a very long time and I know that you are the type of person that does not know how to fail. Secondly your emotions are up and down and you feel scared and insecure and out of control to some degree because of all of the frightening things that have happened in your family over the past few years. Trust me, I know only too well how your world, your views, your confidence and your comfort level can change and become your biggest night mare for a long time and that night mare is based on one thing and one thing alone it is called fear. The fear of not having control over anything really and having the possibility of an event that could change your life forever in a way that you never expected and don't want it to change. Fear can be debilitating and I want you to realize that life will be good and bearable and more comfortable for you in the future and at some point even great again. You will discover parts of your self and strengths within you that we all know are there but that you never knew you even had. Give yourself a break sometimes we need a change in our lives (ie.changing careers)that we feel will benefit our well being. Recognizing that and acting on it is a very brave thing. Yes, life still happens around us and it makes us question our original choices but we made them at that time for a reason. No one can foresee the future you can only act on today and if you act with your heart and with good intentions then you can never make a bad choice. As for husbands, they deep down would like to be able to carry the money burden solely on their shoulders and give their families everything that they need. What they fail to realize is that being in love with us and being committed to taking care of their families needs is all that we need. The economy is what it is. Humanity is struggling. Maybe that just means that we all finally have more time for each other and to reflect on our lives. Time which none of us had just a few short years ago. Lets walk down that path for now and remember that God is walking down that path beside us.

  3. Courage we need for this life of ours,
    Courage, calmness, power;
    Glee in the present which children own,
    Hope for the comming hour.

    Underneath and all the time,
    A warm pulse, beating
    To nature's beauty, loved one's rhythm,
    The springtime urge repeating.

    What will give us courage deep,
    Joy in the things that are?
    The true and lasting love of friends
    For us, will go most far.

    Madeline Benedict.

  4. This is not a comment to your post. Iam out of hospital got out at 5:00 PM Friday and have showered and about to be picked up by my nephew to be taken to my grandsons reception. I am late but thats OK. Thanks for your well wishes and your prayers.

  5. Welcome back mommie. We all missed you very much. I hope that you are doing well.

  6. My goodness Carolin!
    Your not the one that should have all this sadness. Everyday should be happy for you. Because thats what I want for you. And to add to all your burdens, I end up in hospital again. Thats not fair to you.

    Lack of finances can become over whelming. It feels like a heavy weight on your (shoulders,shitters, sholder) heck your body. Cripples your emotions and stunts your thought pattern. Distorts your view of the world and life. I don't want that for you.
    The teenager will be better then fine. The little one will stay in her school.Spouse will return to work full time. You will find the job that makes you happy. And life will continue.
    As Grandpa said "It is not the outcome of a situation that counts, it is how you walk through it."
    Just remember you are not alone in this. What ever I can do to help I am right here. LOve You