So it’s been over 15 hours since our latest screaming match. Not sure if I am going to cry or put my fist through her face or maybe both.
Yesterday:
The teenager comes home from school and tells me she is going out. I say “be home for dinner at 5:30” She then says, “if you are eating at 6:00 then I might be home”. I can feel the tension in my back start and try again by asking her “where are you going”? In all her snarkeyness she say XYX’s house with some other friends” and walks out of the house. By this time I am standing by the front window watching her sister make a hopscotch on the driveway, the teenager gets on her bike and rides down our street but at the end of our street she does not turn right to XYX’s house but turns left.
I suspected when she came home from school she was lying by her attitude and now have it confirmed by directional skills. I let it go and start making pizza for dinner. At 6:15 we leave the house for our Wednesday night activities (she is not home yet), when we get home at 9:00 pm she is still not home. I am now angry and call her cell but of course in her usual fashion she does not answer the call. I wait till 9:15 and send her a text to “get home now” (might of put bad word in there for good measure). She now calls home all sweet, I on the other hand am so sour, I start screaming at her to get home now.!!!!!!!!!
After we hang up I tell my husband (who is trying to put the younger one to bed) that I am going for a walk to cool down. I start walking and here she comes riding her bike but not coming home as if she was coming from XYX’s house. I growl at her to get home now. As I walk back to the house I can see a neighbor outside on his lawn yelling at someone on his phone and think Wow must be a full moon out tonight.
We get home and I promptly loose it as she is still lying, everything out of her mouth is lie, lie, lie. I raise my fist and am screaming and my husband stops me. He tries to tell her she has crossed the line and we do not believe anything she says. I then grab her shoulder close to her neck (I have not lost total control but am damn close) She keeps crying she is not lying now and tells us really where she was. Do you see the crazy in this? She goes on how she “we never believe her even when she is telling the truth”. Uh, dame right we don’t believe her, and just how are we to know when it is a truth or a lie.
I look at her and wonder where did our daughter go, this past year has been hell. I can’t trust her for anything cause she lies about everything, even stuff she doesn’t need to lie about. She told us earlier in the week she was failing English and would have to take summer school. To be honest I wasn’t upset that she was failing English I was upset that, that meant she would not be away at camp all summer and would be home going to summer school. It makes me sad that I feel this way about my daughter.
By this time she is now in her room talking to a friend on the phone and I can hear her telling her friend “I don’t know what happened I get home and my mom goes ballistic and hit me and tried to strangle me” I open the door and call her a liar again. Then I think I better go have a shower cause I need to be alone. After the shower I check my email and there is a message from a mother of a friend of the little one. Who wants to tell me that the little one is asking her friend to pay for her dress down at school next week (they wear uniforms) cause I wont pay for it. I go marching in the younger ones room and confront her, she says “I think that was a little fib maybe mom” I yell back “no that was not a little fib it was a lie” and stomp away in all my mother maturity.
So its now the next day she is home from school and is not speaking to me, but will be leaving for work in a few minutes. Not sure what to do next, try to talk to her, keep my mouth shut, act as if nothing has happened. My husband and I went to donate blood earlier today and talked about it, but really we are lost at what we should do. We both look at her wonder where did our daughter go and will she ever come back. Because we can’t keep going they way we are now
Take a deep breath Caroline. We were all teenagers once and look at us now. I am sure that our parents worried about us the same way and I know that me and my two sisters must have driven our parents crazy as a matter of fact I can remember all of the yelling and screaming and yes unfortunately a lot of lying on my part. Why did I lie? Well it was because that was the only way to be sure that I got to do what I wanted to do and without the drama and disappointed looks that I was sure to get. I was also capable of making my own decisions without being lectured. My parents worried needlessly because they had nothing better to do and this was a reason to play the I love you so I am worried about you card so that I could not have any fun. Let's face it I know better now but I didn't know much of anything when I was a teenager.
ReplyDeletePoor Carolin, I feel this is all my fault. I cursed you when you where young. I said "I hope you have a daughter just like you"
ReplyDeleteWhen I said that to you, you did and said things that where not always honest. There where many a night I cryed and wondered will I ever get my little girl back. Do you remember how sad you felt at that time. You thought your life sucked and that I did not love you. In your eyes, it was so bad for you that you chose a different path.
I never did get my little girl back. But in time I did get a wonderful, caring, generous, loving, kind, understanding, patient, young lady back in my life. A child that I am very proud to call my daughter. A child that is loved more then she could ever understand.
And so I say again " I hope you have a young lady just like you."
Remember the plaque Kerry gave me, it said. ( Instead of raising your voice raise your level of understanding,)