Well I finished writing the proposal and went to Staples and had it photocopied and bound. I made 6 copies, one for the Principal, 4 for his department heads and school book keeper, and one for myself. While I was waiting for the copies to me made, my proposal was up on the screen of the copy departments computer and I noticed a spelling error. Some how I had written Cihristan instead of Christian and spell check never caught it. I was able to get the photocopy consultants attention and she fixed it and recopied it for me. It was a close call.
I was so paranoid after that, talking to myself in the car about how fortunate I was to see the typo before I dropped it off to the school. When I got to the school I sat in the car and read through it one more time and felt it was the best I could do. I then brought the copies into the school and after a look around I found the principle and he asked me to leave them on his desk and said he would look at it a little later.
So that was it, I picked up the little one and we drove home. When I got home the husband was back from his golf game and I showed him the proposal. He sat down and read it through then told me he found two typos! I was devastated, and so angry with myself, I read that stupid proposal at least 4 times and Sunshine read it, as well as Mr. Sunshine. I corrected the typos in the electronic version for the future. It will be teachers that read this proposal and looking for mistakes is what they do, that’s their job! I sent an email to the principal the next day thanking him for the opportunity to submit a proposal and a brief explanation on how I came up with some of my assumptions. Also I attached the corrected proposal.
This hang-up I have on expecting perfection with myself can’t be good. When the teenager was small I worked for a marketing company, the job was very enjoyable but the owners well… lets just say after only a couple of months I started looking for a new job. One day while at the marketing job one of the owners called me into her office and said that "I lacked attention to detail”. I remember leaving her office and at first being very angry, then wondering if that was true. I always thought I was good with the details, I prided myself that I could juggle many things at the same time and I remembered the small things that made the difference. I guess I was wrong, I wonder if she had any idea how her simple statement changed the way I saw myself. Now I question everything I do and find I am even more critical of myself. So every time someone says you made a mistake or you forgot this, or your writing is ‘Vanilla’, (yes I did have someone say that to me after we started the blog. And what’s the funny part of that vanilla comment is there is so much I could write about, but felt the blog was not the place to spill the ‘skeletons in the closest’ as they say) my instinct is to shut down and not bother anymore. It takes a whole lot of self-talk to get me to try again.
Why are we so quick to point out others mistakes? Does it make us feel better, or do we really think we are being helpful. I will be the first to admit I bug Sunshine about her typos but sometimes they are so funny cause it changes what she is trying to say and makes it funny. But I am going to really try to keep my mouth shut and only say positive things like how much I appreciate my fellow bloggers and though we are not perfect we try to do the best we can. Maybe it's good our followers and readers can see our mistakes and not judge us but remember we are only human and doing the best we can with the time we have.
It has been two days since I handed the proposal over and have heard nothing. So I guess it is back to square one and searching through websites, scouring newspapers and, and, and…