Tuesday, May 26, 2009


I am presently looking for a job. I know, I know, who isn't.....
I am just so discouraged!!!! I'm not even sure what I'm looking for anymore. I feel like I can't breathe or even think clearly.
Right now I just feel like I'm the only one here. I am. If I can't find a job, well, I don't know what will happen. I've never been totally on my own before, and I must say, it's really scary.
I don't think I would be so upset if it was only me.......but it's not I'm responsible for my beautiful children too.
I have so many different feelings going on right now, anger being one of them. Frustration being another. I guess I'm angry because this is not what I want. I never planned to have a home and family on my own. Frustrated because I'm tired of being angry!!! I just want to go on with my life, get a good job, be stable. Most importantly Be Happy!!!! I just can't figure out if I'm not happy because I feel like I don't have a place anymore. What I mean is, this doesn't really feel like home, I don't have a stable job, and I'm not really sure what my future holds right now.
I'm not sure if I'm not happy because everything I've known for so long has come to an end. How do I start over??? Or at least continue on????? I just hope that the future holds something positive for a change.
I read this article, and this women said every situation has a silver lining.........
I just cant seem to find it........


  1. There are some things in life like that silver lining that are invisible to the naked eye but if we look with our hearts we can see them. I hope that where ever you are in the future that it feels like home because of the magic that you and your children bring to it.

  2. you know even when you don't see things going the way you want them to, Stand outside the box where you are, and count all the blessings you have right now. Thank God for every one. And even thank him for the unknown for and the despair of where you are. Look at your sleeping children and know things will get better.

  3. You are not alone. I have been in your shoes. Left alone with 3 kids 4, 5 and 7 and only a part time job. A husband who left with no contact untill the kids where grown. No child support or any financial help.
    It is a very scary and emotionally draining.
    I remember looking out my window day or night and wondering why there was no one out there to make things better for me. I did not want total responsibility of the house the kids or even my life.
    Crying was the main thing I did when the kids where not around. I thought I would never find any form of peace again.
    Three things that helped Alcohol, Weed, and Drugs. Just kidding all though a little buzz once in a while felt good. Don't start to get into that hell.
    Friend and family, someone to talk to is most important. I had my sisters and some proffesional help. I was so ashamed over the situation, they helped me relize it was not my doing. You have three wonderful friends. Talk with them untill you drive them crazy.
    Second, I read many inspirational book, filling myself with positive thought. Some of the old time authors like Napolian Hill, Norman Vincent Peale, Dale Carnegie, Robert Schuller and Og Mandino. My favorite at the time was Leo Buscaglia. You can find all these books at your library. More recent authors are Jack Canfield, Anthony Robbins, Ken Blanchard, Spencer Johnston, Stephen Covey and Deepak Chopra to name a few. You can also get some of them on CD.
    Every week no matter the financial situation give yourself a treat. A new blouse, the movies, a CD, a hair cut anything that will up lift you.
    You are a winner! You have the best things in the world the things that are most important, your kids. Everything else will come and go but your kids will always be your kids. Don't forget I love you!

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  5. I've came here several times but didn't really know what this blog was or where you were. After reading it a few times I figured it out. Duh. I hadn't talked to you in awhile and hadn't realized I guess. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I have to say, I have known you...what 27 years?? and of all the people I know, I've always felt that you are one of the strongest. However, I know that life can deal us some really crappy hands sometimes and we just seem to lose our strength. I know things will get better. One day all of this will be better. It's okay to feel lost sometimes but you will get there. Hold on. I know there are miles between us but I am always here for you. Just a phone call away. :)God will make a way when there seems to be no way. Miss you and love you much.