It's the long weekend, I used to love this weekend....It was the first real party weekend of the year.
This year is so different for me. I'm just so sad all the time..........I wish I could make myself be happy and really look around and appreciate all the good that's in my life. This is my first year as a single mom. My first year of being single again, and it's the hardest thing I've had to deal with. I was with my husband for 17 years, and about 6 before we got married. I grew up with him, he was my best friend and my closest person forever. I'm just not sure who I am without him. It's so hard for me to understand how he could walk away from all that. I know it happens everyday, to all kinds of people, but I never seen myself in this position. Everything I look at I still see through the eyes of "us". I never planned to raise my children on my own, or to plan my whole future that only includes just the kids and I. The most frustrating part is that I just can't seem to go on. I have so much emotion and I just can't seem to straighten it all out in my head. I've always believed that things happen for a reason, and things always work out.........I really hope that's true, but I no longer feel so positive about that. I can't wait for the day I actually wake up and feel good, please tell me that day will come!!!
A day will come when you will wake and feel happy but unfortunately it is not going to happen for a long time yet. I am sad for what was and what I see is to come but I keep praying that things will work out. My best advice to you (even though you didn’t ask for it) is to FORGIVE and let the past go. I know forgiving sounds so much easier said then done but the only way for you to be live your life as a full, happy person is to let go of the past. Forgive all the people that have hurt you and your family and mostly forgive yourself Louise.
ReplyDeleteOh Louise. How can a person go on when a part of them has been ripped away from them. The anguish, fear and loneliness is over whelming. All a person wants to do is crawl up in a ball and cover there head. But even that is deniaed you. At the lowest point in your life when your heart mind and body have crumbled all around you, and you are left devastated. You have the task and responsibilitie of meanding your childrens hearts minds and body. At this point there is nothing left in you to attend to your own broken life. There is no way that you will get through this by yourself. As well as all the personal healing you and the kids need you are soul provider for the house. Every job is now your job. Every task is now your task. Every responsibility involving the kids is up to you.
ReplyDeleteThis comment is painting a very gloomy picture of your future. Believe me, it will be a up hill struggle for a long time to come. Again I say there is no way you will get through this yourself.
One word of advice, it is very simple but not easy. To make it through this you MUST reach out to your family and friends for all that you need. Let them know how it hurts and how lonily you are. Ask for help regularly. They are all waiting for you to ask.
God Bless You Mommie
It is going tonbe very hard for a while to come. Keep your chin up. I've watched many couples go through this and it really hurts again when someone else loses there family unit. If you can't be strong for your self be strong for your kids. It may help in the long run. When you have good friends to talk to, and praying also, things tend to be easier.
ReplyDeleteHang in there ... life will get better and one day you will find yourself smiling and laugh again ..it only gets better.
ReplyDeleteLouise I have know you for such a long time now and I really miss my happy, fun and positive friend. My heart aches for you but I know that you will happy again one day soon.
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