Beginnings and Ends

My girlfriend, Carol, who lives in Calgary called me last night to let me know that her dad had passed on. Yesterday was his birthday. http://mytimein09.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-of-mourning.html.

Today is a day of firsts for many families. Carol, our love and prayers are with you and your family.

Patches ( April 12 2001 - April 18 2010)

It has been a very difficult weekend.

Early this morning our dog Patches lost his battle with Addison's disease.

He was a sweet and loving dog filled with life and with love and he completed our family.

It has been so quiet around here and we already miss him so much. Who would have thought that a family could fall so in love with a little dog. My youngest daughter has taken one of his dog tags and placed it on a necklace that she is wearing around her neck. I know that he is not coming home but it still seems so unreal to me. I wish so much that life did not include death because it is always so painful.

Patches we will all miss you very much. Thank you for all of the love that you have given our family. You will live on in our hearts forever.

99 Balloons for Eliot

This may not be a post that you want to really get into. You know those commercials on TV that are about dying and starving children. They are the ones that I change the channel on because they are too sad and painful to watch. It's almost better that I don't know about them because then I can live a happy day. Well on the Oprah show this week there was a story about a little boy that had everyone in tears. I wasn't in the room for the story I came in at the tears. I went to the Oprah web site and wanted to know what it was about. As I was playing the video my husband asked me to turn it off because he said that he couldn't listen to it. I stumbled to find the ear phones so that I could continue. Although it was so hard and so heart breaking, I watched it and I too was in tears. It is about sadness but it is also about love and incredible human spirit and strength and the amazing ways in which some can seize the day and make every moment count.

It is here for you to view if you want to. If you don't want to its OK too.

http://www.oprah.com/media/20081001_tows_99balloons

Sadness

I am just so sad. I don't even know why. I feel like I am faking my way through life some days. What do I really want or need? I don't remember ever feeling this way until after my mom passed away but that was 9 years ago. How can this one event change a person so much? I use to be happy every day. People at work use to comment about how I always had a smile on my face. Now the people closest to me ask me what's wrong and why I am so miserable (mostly my sister, I think that's because she knows me best and I must be my truer self around her). I just miss my mom so much and some days nothing will satisfy that loss. I want her back. I want her to hold me and talk to me and make me my favourite foods. I want her to mend my clothes and look at my children the way only she can. This year I didn't even go to visit her at the cemetery on Mothers Day (that's when she passed away). It was easier not to go and although I know that she understands I feel a little bit guilty about it. I wish that I could see her, even just for an hour or two. I never really feel this way on the anniversary of her death it usually takes me a while to figure out that I am so sad because I miss her. I just realized it now as I am writing this because the words just seemed to flow in that direction. I was going to write about sadness but the rest just came. Things aren't always sad for me most of the time I feel that I am happy and I hope that I can be that ray of sunshine for others.