At the beginning of the week my family and I went and had our passport pictures taken. It was a fairly painless event, the youngest went first and she was funny as she could not keep the smile off her face, then the teenager went and for her the only issue was she had to wipe her lipstick off. Next was my husband, again no biggie then it was my turn. It seems I was just two shinny and clouds and clouds of baby powder was needed to reduce my glow. Then the photographer kept asking me to lower my chin, not just once but three times I was asked to lower my chin. Finally the photo was taken.
A few minutes later we paid the $60.00 fee and picked up the photos. None of the photos are overly attractive but let me say mine????? Because the photographer kept asking me to lower my chin, my goodness the photo shows not one, not two, but in my opinion 40 chins! It is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. So now when our blog takes off and we are traveling the world talking about our fabulousness, every customs agent throughout the world will have to count my chins to confirm it’s really me!!!!!!!!!!!!
So with this photo now being processed on my new passport I am thinking about my weight. I can remember the first time I felt fat, I was 9 years old and sitting in the park with my friend Lisa, one of the other kids said lets play marble basketball. Lisa and I were sitting together on the curb, we were sitting so our knees where touching each other and the other kid would toss the marble so that it would fall through Lisa’s thighs like a basketball net. But for me my thighs touched so when the marble was tossed my legs would catch the marble like a net. One of the kids yelled you have “fat legs”. Was that memory the beginning of the end of my confidence in my body? I can remember another comment as I entered my teens, a boy in high school saying I was “a cow” cause I weighed 125 pounds! Another time my father and I were shopping for clothes for me and I asked the salesclerk for a size 7 pant and he looked at me and said, “you should go on a diet”. I just wish I could fit in a size 14 now.
I have been on so many diet and life style changes that just those words are enough to send me to the fridge. I have lost a huge amount of weight only to gain it all back plus more! Last fall Sunshine and I attended a ‘Losing weight the healthy way’ group. We would walk for an hour 4 times a week and try to make wiser food choices. I lost 6 lbs in that 12-week program but as is my usual way, I have gained 9 back. I am now afraid to loss any weight cause when it comes back it always comes with an extra 20 lbs.
Last night while trying to fall asleep I thought since my husband is on a couple month lay off (yes he is an autoworker) and nobody seems to want to hire me, we should go bike riding three or 4 times a week for a hour or so. Doesn’t that sound like it would be good, we could bike the paths through out our city and spend some time together and maybe I could get in better shape. I woke up this morning but realized that we couldn’t go today, as the day was already booked with commitments, and the weekend is out as we have company all weekend and the kids have their activities. I hope the spark of motivation will still be glowing come Monday and we can try a ½ hour bike ride.