Tuesday, April 7, 2009
FRUSTRATED
well, I said that I would let you know, so here I am back today. It was an OK day. I think that I am feeling what many women at my age and in my situation probably feel. I'm not sure at this stage in my life where I fit in anymore. I have been at home raising my two kids. I have enjoyed every moment of it and I would not change a thing about that. But, sadly now they are growing up and they don't need me between the hours of 9-3 any more. So, taking into consideration driving time back and forth from school I have approximately 5 hours of time to myself from Monday to Friday. In that time I need to grocery shop, clean, do laundry, cook, make appointments, schedule events, see friends and anything else that happens to fall under the umbrella of being a mom and wife. My husband works very hard and very long hours. His job takes him away from home often and our life has always been like that but it has always worked. He would go to work and I would do pretty much everything else. I appreciate his work ethic and I can just imagine how hard it must be to work a minimum of a 15 hour day every day of the week and sometimes even weekends. I have to thank him for all of his hard work. I have worked over the course of my 13 years at home with the children. I worked from home for the first 5 years and it was a full time job. I quit after the birth of my second child. So many things happened at that point in my life that changed my day to day living immensely. I could not work anymore for the time being and here I am 9 years later still without a job. The economy is now bad and my husband is frustrated at our financial situation. He would love for me to get a job. I have been looking but there is not much out there. He says that I put up road blocks like the hours that I am looking for (9:30 - 2:30) Monday to Friday and following the school schedule. I on the other hand believe I am limited in my availability because of our situation and I don't want not to be home on weekends and holidays. As it stands we don't have much time as a family already. Last year I took a job that paid minimum wage and worked for a short time. The hours during the day suited me perfectly but the weekends and holidays were a problem. I was miserable not being there and to top it all off on some of the holidays my husband ended up having to work so I had to ask my husbands parents to step in with the kids. They were great but it was not what I wanted for my girls and for our family. What is the answer? I'm not too sure but there is so much value in what we do as wives and mothers. Its too bad the rest of the world had trouble acknowledging that. I would gladly go get a great paying job and work 9-5 and find a way for my children to get to and from school in a safe manner. But I am reluctant to do that for a job that will only pay me minimum wage. Am I being selfish? The answer that I hear is that millions of women do it every day. Is a great career and children and a happy home really a doable thing and have I just convinced myself that its not? Well time will tell for now things are what they are. I look forward to seeing my husband this weekend as he has been away for 5 days now and I am taking care of everything at home. I miss him so much!!!!!!! For now the frustration continues.
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I’m right there with you on the massive frustration. To think that just two generations ago husbands were embarrassed if their wives worked outside the home. Did we shoot ourselves in the foot by thinking we could have it all.
ReplyDeleteWhat is “ALL”? I think it means we work all day at some imaginary rewarding career/job. We come home and cook, clean, laundry, drive kids to piano, soccer, swimming, or tutor (cause we cant help with homework, we need to get the grocery shopping done in that time) We stop at drive through for dinner even though we have a van full of just bought food but everyone is hungry now. We run around on our lunch hour buying birthday gifts, replacing lost jackets, trying to find winter boots when it is March. How child losses a boot is beyond me but do I have time to search through a stinky lost and found at school. We get home at night exhausted read children bedtime stories were if we are honest we try to pick the book with the least amount of pages and then still skip pages as we read. Climb into beds around midnight, just fall asleep only to be woken up by him beside you groping a feel. And then complaining when you tell him to get lost! Before you know it, is 5:00 AM and time to get up so you can get 45 minutes on the treadmill before everyone else is up. We all know we need to exercise, we are being told we don’t seem to move our bodies enough during the day.
Perhaps the downturn in our economy could be used as a time to reevaluate what is important to us. Do we need to big houses and all the stuff to fill them? Do we need the nicer cars, the big vacations, and the private schools? Do our children need the labels, the latest techno toy, and do they need to be involved in organized something almost every night of the week.
Are we willing to let “IT” go?
We can be the best mother we can be. Or the best employee we can be. But we can not be both. Your kids will never forget you, your employer will not remember you with even a Christmas card. Your not just a stay at home mom. You are choosing to be the best mom for your kids. You are making memories that will live on for generations.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was working just a few days a week when the kids where small. I would go to work for a rest. Going out to work is far easyer then working full time in the home.
Just ask yourself, when your at work does your boss stick his fingers under the bathroom door and ask what you are doing? Do you accually take an hour lunch and two fifteen min. brakes at home. The hardest thing to do is working in the home with pride. Yes the world is against mothering. Don't you turn against it to. Do what your heart is telling you to do and stop questioning it. Let the others do what they want and you do what you want. When it is time for YOU to work outside the home your heart will let you know. You will not need society or your husband to tell you. Mommie
Wow, thank you so much for your encouraging comments. I feel guilty sometimes but I always know in my heart that I am doing the right thing. I just feel like it was a mutual decision when we first started this journey and somewhere along the way we started to differ immensely in our opinions. The bathroom situation with the little fingers under the door really made me laugh. I realize that the happiest that I am is when the kids are home. Everything they do makes me smile and feel loved. What a magical gift we have in a child's love for us as mothers. I know that even though my mom hasn't been here for almost 9 years now I thing about her every day. My thoughts of her are always of sweet and funny moments. I wish that I could thank her in person because that would make my day!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI know that she can hear me. We had some rough patches I'M sure because how can you successfully raise three daughter and not? But my memories are always of loving and caring and I miss her love for me so much!!!!!!
It's like when your mom is here on earth living this mortal experience with you there is this protective shield around you but you don't know that it's there until its gone. I miss my protective bubble but I am so glad that my girls can be loved in their own protective bubble created by my love. It's a great thing to have even though they can't see it.
Well everyone, you've hit on a very hot topic these days. Mothers who feel guilty for working and not being there for their kids the way they want to be and mothers that are staying at home to take care of things but feel guilty because they are not providing a financial contribution to the household. Who is keeping score? Isn't it just important that the children grow up to be the best people they can? Your contribution may not be seen in dollars and cents right now but it is extremely present in the smiles and laughter of your children. Their happy, well-blanced fuliflled lives, their every second of success and achievement, their eventual thankfulness for a stay at home mom. The fruits of your labour are the subtle ones. The days they looked over at you during a school trip because you could be there, the days they were in their plays, presentations etc, and you were there taking pictures, video taping, and with teary-eyes feeling the pride of motherhood. Make no mistake ladies, your worth is tremendous. The world is so very messed up in so many ways and society has often lost site of what is truly important, you have been given the unbelievable task of guarding our future. Children are precious and the key to turning the world into a better place, what job could be more important or fulfilling. Your husband may feel that way because he is undoubtedly tired, the corporate world is too demanding and he knows deep down that he is extremely lucky and thankful for everything you do, try not to lose site of that. Believe me, you are missing nothing of significance by not being at a job outside the house. You would be frustrated, exhausted and longing for those moments with your children, right now, you are exactly where your heart and soul needs to be. Maybe someday that will change, but don't rush into the hustle and bustle that you may try to run away from someday. Relish in your accomplishments, hold your head high and be proud of who you are, I know that's how I feel about my sister, a say at home mom, who is an incredible woman, giving of herself more than I've seen in anyone and I would hate to think that she might feel the same way. She handles herself with grace, level-headedness and all the warmth in her heart. We could learn a lot from someone like her. Keep doing what you are doing and know that you are valued.
ReplyDeleteThank you, you made my day a little sunnier today.
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