Thursdays on the Bench

(Cathy) So, let's talk about the word harassment and what it means in today's society. Have we given our children too much power so that we as parents have our hands tied? Do children today have the same healthy fear we did as kids? What about respect? Respect for themselves and others. What happened to addressing adults by Mr. and Mrs.? Is this way better and safer for our kids? What happened to create this situation? Protection, does the word protection go hand in hand with harassment? I know a lot of questions, however, this is a big subject.

(Sunshine) This is such a big controversial subject. As it is with most things in the world there will always be those who take advantage of laws and bend situations to suit their own needs. However, we can only hope that these laws also protect the innocent and are effective for the most part. Miss Teen Sunshine and I were talking about this very subject as it came up at my work place between two students the other day. The boy, in this case used inappropriate language and was accused by the girl of "feeling her up". This heated discussion occurred very hap hazard as they were ordering lunch in front of everyone. She was seemingly upset at first and then laughing and he was laughing the entire time and he commented on how he would not "feel someone up like her because she had too much junk in her trunk". It certainly stopped me in my tracks and I don't really think that anything was done about it. I brought it to the attention of my supervisor she voiced it to a few of the teachers and they shook their heads and I don't really know what happened after that.

Miss Teen Sunshine commented on how in the hall ways at school boys will slap a random girl on the butt and just keep walking. Then she said that in gym class when they are running laps with the older boys, they will randomly touch a girl's butt as they run by. Is this true? Is this what our society has come to. I really hope not. I almost don't want to believe her because it really bothers me to know that this is what it is like. I asked her if it has ever happened to her and she said no. She did say that for most girls it's no big deal as it happens all the time and they just laugh. I asked her how she would feel if it happened to her and what she would do. She said that she would push them away as she did not give them permission. I asked what she would do if it were to continue and her answer was that her physical response would increase from pushing to punching to rendering someone unconscious but she still did not seem to think that there would be any need to let someone of authority know. She felt that it was not something that warranted getting them involved as she could deal with it on her own. Oh Boy, what a mess!!!!!!!

Is the level of respect for their elders any less then when we were kids? Everyone seems to think so but I am not really sure. At my work I see kids who are always consistently very respectful and I see those that don't know or care about being respectful to anyone. The kids who stand out as the disrespectful ones seem to be the ones who have a lot of issues at home. And then there is the third group of kids who are good kids but they have not been taught how to act towards adults. They don't know how to wait for their turn and say please and thank you. But, once you teach them, they catch on really quickly.

Is there less respect for themselves or is it just that they are more comfortable with their bodies and more open? It's tough to watch such young teens making out on the bench outside the cafeteria. They don't care who is watching and who is walking by and when they are asked to stop, they laugh and slowly go back to class. These benches sit right outside of the main office so there is a lot of traffic and a lot of teachers walking by all of the time. It's different because our generation was more reserved than that, but then our parents would say that we are all more open than they ever were. Is it simply evolution? or Is is a disrespect for themselves and for others? I really don't know. Maybe we need to stop judging and keep educating. With this generation, everything is in the open and there are resources if they need help. They have all talked about everything so there is no need to hide in the shadows if something has happened. You can discuss and get help. Inappropriate things have always occurred in history but today they have a bigger voice then ever. Maybe we have taken the fear away from the innocent and put it back onto the perpetrators where is should be. The results that are capable of being yielded are positive if you ask me.

The difficulties occur when someone is wrongfully accused. I don't really know what to say about that. It has been experienced in all fields, doctor, teachers, care givers, and everything else under the sun. That is why so many meetings and even examinations all take place with a second party present to avoid such accusations. Maybe that is going to be more along the lines of what has to happen in the future. How do we determine the truthful ones from those who are telling a lie just to get someone else in trouble? Then, how do we deal with those who really believe that something inappropriate has occurred and it really hasn't. It can be a nightmare to have to deal with being wrongfully accused and having to prove your innocence. How do we stop that kind of thing from happening? Your guess is as good as mine. It would be wonderful to find a happy medium. I am going to stop now and give someone else a chance to write.

Wow, Sunshine sure has a lot to say on the subject. (Carolin) Here is my two cents. People are just stupid! We get ourselves all worked up over stuff that in the grand scheme of things really doesn't matter. I am tired and have had enough of stupid people and their self absorbed attitudes.

I'm wondering if the consequences for the accused are still too light. It could be that people will make a 'wrong' choice knowing that nothing too bad will happen to them. Victim be dammed! Maybe it's time to rework the justice system. Oh wait, I think I've heard this said before....From experience there is NO CONSEQUENCES for the accuser. They can even hide behind anonymity if they choose.

Book Club - Week Six

This is our last book club blog for, "The Dirty Girls Social Club."


What did you all think now that the book is done?

(Sunshine) I enjoyed the book. It was a very light and easy read. Mostly I enjoyed our weekly discussions. (Cathy) What do I think of this book. I agree with a comment Carolin made a few posts ago. It's fluff. It's an easy read, predictable. I was hoping for something deeper. I also find it hard to read a book and then discuss it. While I'm reading it I have comments and deep (I hope) thought provoking thoughts! I then sit down to write about it and it comes out like fluff. I did find I was annoyed most of the time I was reading this book. I kept getting angry at the author for falling into stereotype with the characters. Maybe this was her point. WE ARE WHAT WE ARE. I don't know. I thought the book was crap.

Were you happy with how all the sucia's intertwined lives were wrapped up?

Well, I think that everything takes time and although some of them are on their way to a better life, they all still have a long way to go. I really hope that Sara is ok and that they find her husband and throw him in jail. I just didn't like the way it ended. Boy, do I ever sound negative! Let me see, was I happy with any part of the book. Yes! I enjoyed Rebecca's story very much. Out of all the sucia's she is my favourite. That because there was pages and pages of her and Andre having very detailed SEX! The book was crap. Ok, I agree with you, however, out of all of the sucias, Rebecca's story was the most interesting.

Would you recommend this book for others to read?


I guess that it depends on what kind of book they are looking for. Our choices based on the availability of the library book club books were limited. It was a good way to start our book club. It was a good first book for us. I think I kept comparing the sucias with ourselves. Our friendship and our love for each other. I guess that was a main point. No matter what happened, the sucias were there for each other. I would like to think that we ladies share that same quality. Did we get a new writer? Who is grey? If you want to read a crappy book then go for it. The book was light, stereotyping, predictable, crap. The people that Lauren made fun of as wanting her to be, typical Latino, was exactly what the author of this book is. I think the only reason this book was published was someone in the publishing company read a statistic on Latino books written verse readers and thought this book would appease the demographic. Uh, publisher, it didn't, it is crap! Well, at least I know it wasn't just me. I kept trying to like it but there really wasn't much to like. I think Sunshine enjoyed it!

Bench Talk: Crying Harassment - the new way to "Cry Wolf"?

It's often said that, "too much of a good thing is a bad thing." We spend countless dollars teaching our children right from wrong. The problem is that the list of "wrongs" has grown so much that kids and adults alike become paranoid; double thinking each and every action taken or word spoken so as not to "offend" anyone. It's so easy now to cry "harassment" against someone and once that magic word has been spoken there is no going back!

Now this is a subject I am familiar with. Just recently our family was unwillingly involved in a alleged sexual harassment situation. The teenager had to fire a volunteer at her job. After numerous conversations with the volunteer, talking to the volunteer coordinator on how to handle the situation and writing up a formal complaint about his attitude she asked him not to return. A week later she is summoned into her boss's office and informed that this 14 year old volunteer and his parents have filed a sexual harassment charge against her!

At one point our family discussed hiring a lawyer to protect her. She asked me to sit in the meeting with her and her bosses and after two weeks the case was closed. It was determined to be a he said/she said and could not be proven. But what we have all learned from this is; in our over sensitive world you are guilty until proven innocent. All this boy had to do was make the complaint. It then was up to us to prove she was innocent. And the kicker of this whole thing is, though it is considered, 'case closed,' we will never know what this boy said she supposedly did to sexually harass him. She had to prove her innocence without ever knowing what he was accusing her of saying!

I feel we have raised a generation who think they can do and say whatever they want, without any ramifications.

Thursdays on the Bench

Hi all, I in my garden today. It's cold and windy. Why is it that the days I'm at work are beautiful and sunny and the days at home are cold and rainy? - I'm back inside now. I can't decide if it's hot or cold out, but it sure is windy. Did anyone watch the 'youtube' video I posted? Yes I watched it but I think I have seen it before. It was cute. I watched it but I too have seen it before and yes it is funny. .I thought it was very funny! I bet you thought they only drank "Red Stripe". So, besides the whole dating thing from this week what else is new? The younger one will not be here this weekend. He will be at a Scouts Jamboree. This Jamboree is shared between Canada and the U.S.A. It's held every "Mother's Day" weekend. It's Mothers Day this weekend!!!!! sugar, I better get on that.Is this supposed to be a gift for us moms? I'm sure it is for some, however, I like my kids and want them around on days like this. Oh well, he loves scouting and he looks forward to this Jamboree every year, so off he will go!
Mothers Day snuck up on me. My brother in law called to see what we were doing and I was wondering why he was calling so early.
(Carolin)I sure liked the cold today as I was so hot at work I needed to step outside to cool down.
(sunshine) Our hood system has not been working for the last week and half and I have been one big ball of sweat, especially when I am frying at lunch time so the wind is a welcoming friend at the moment. I had my first catering job in the school. It was a ACSI Principal Luncheon .http://www.acsi.org/ . It went well but I was pretty frazzled for a while. I helped set up and made assorted muffins for the morning. The Junior High kids came for lunch at 11:45 am (15 min. early) then the High School kids came for 12:00 pm, I then got the lunch for 40 set up for 12:30 pm (45 bowls of beef barley, 60 assorted sandwiches/wraps, and 90 cookies). I had made the muffins and cookies early this week and the soup I made last night. So I had the sandwiches for today. I also had the elementary kids come for lunch at 12:30 pm. Thank goodness the husband came to help and I had a HS girl also help. She is very good at her job and extremely reliable. What was nice is I gave the coordinator the invoice in the afternoon and she had a cheque ready within 10 minutes! She also asked if I would like to cater for her again next November. It is at the school again but for 600 people! Please pray that the new kitchen is completed and I am there next year as this would be a biggie for me. Congratulations sounds like a busy day and you nailed it. There is a lot of money to be made on catered functions.

I had met up with the Geography (HS) teacher today. He was telling me that KD had sent him some Geography curriculum (she is a Geo teacher) and in it she had made up a quiz. One of the questions on the quiz was 'What in-school lunch lady will also be cooking at this years G8 Summit?' All day the kids would come visit me or stop me in the hall to congratulate me on cooking at the G8. Now that I have started to receive emails in reference to the summit I am getting a little excited. I will be forever grateful to Mr. Sunshine for having faith in me. But I must be off as the little one and I are on our way back to school for Arts Night and Open House. Hopefully I will sleep like a baby tonight! Congrats on the Summit as well and with such a busy day how could you not sleep well tonight.

Not much else going on this week. The basket ball tournament that Little Miss Sunshine was in is over and they came in third place. We didn't get home on Tuesday night until after 8:30pm from the tournament. Miss Teen Sunshine went to see Frankenstein yesterday with her school. She said that it was really good and the most impressive thing was the set because everything was entirely made out of paper. Her bus was suppose to arrive at the school at 5:30 but it got stuck in traffic LMS and I waited at the school for about 2 hours. Just a little tip if you don't already know. Make sure Teen Sunshine has her phone when she goes on trips and she can call you when she gets close to school. Never has the bus arrived on time in the 4 years the teenager has been there. And what is a LMS?

Have a great weekend and Happy Mother's Day.

Book Club - week five

(Cathy) O.K. - oops! I thought this was our last week as there were not that many pages left, so I finished the book! I know I promised not to read ahead and I didn't do it on purpose.... lol! So, what do you all think???? I guess I'll wait for the questions. (Carolin)Not for a minute do I believe you didn't read the whole book by accident. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if you had read the entire book the first week. (Sunshine) I already answered all of these questions the other day but something must have happened as it seems to be missing so I will answer again. First of all Cathy, naughty, naughty, naughty! It's hard for me to support you when the schedule is posted on our blog.(Oh, right...oops again!) I have to check it every week to remind myself when to stop. However, I know that you wouldn't make it so just be more careful next time. Did you like the ending? (not really)

Cuicatl/Amber is a rich women now. Were you surprised when Gato went all jealous and started to trash her to their friends?
(Carolin) I was not overly surprised by Gato's reaction, though a part of me wanted him to be different. What I did like about Cuicatl/Amber was when she was discussing her tour dates she made a point of keeping her commitment to the sucias. I was surprised by that too. She did gain points from me for that. She valued the relationships of the other women and did not let other parts of her life override that. That to me showed real character.
I am not surprised with Gato's reaction, I was never a big fan of his. I am actually more surprised that he didn't stick around long enough to help spend some of Cuicatl's money. I am also happy that she is keeping her meeting with the girls. They are all so different but they have a very strong bond. It is refreshing.

So Usnavys is engaged! Do you think she will really marry Juan or did she accept because she was in front of her sucias. The women is a flake in designer clothes mind you but still a flake. I agree. While I was reading her I found her to be exhausting. Her sense of well being revolves around what is in 'style', the 'latest', the 'most expensive', the 'best'. I could never keep up with someone like this, she is just too much work. I think that Usnavys will marry Juan and she will find herself again and appreciate what really matters in life instead of the materialistic things and in the end she will adore Juan as much as he adores her. They will be very happy together. Do you want to know what happens?

We have learned a little more about Rebecca. Do you think the budding relationship between Rebecca and Andre will help to loosen Rebecca up?

Well, well, well, Rebecca is an interesting women. I find her discipline very impressive. She is so self disciplined she can control what she puts in her mouth! Mind you she has become very obsessive with it. It makes you wonder why she needs to have such control over everything. But because of her self discipline she has been able to fulfill much of her dreams. Buying a home in a fancy area of Boston, owning a successful magazine and now potentially a relationship with a very wealthy man who has very similar attributes. For Rebecca to be with Andre she will have to loosen up. I believe that it will take her a long time to become comfortable with herself and it is hard for some people to really let loose. She may not be one of those people who will ever be able to actually do that. I don't know if Andre will get bored of her and I question his intentions as he was chasing a married woman to begin with. Was he chasing her or just admiring her from afar? I think it's a nice boost to the self-esteem to know someone else finds you attractive.

Heineken commercial - Jamaica - this is very funny!

My cousin Karin had this posted on her blog, "Yardedge", (check my profile for the link). It's very funny!Enjoy! (Cathy)

Bench Talk: 14 is too young to date, right?

The other day my 14 year old son comes to me and declares that he is old enough to date! We have yet to hear this declaration from our older son. Hubby and I were quite content to let hormones lay dormant and school work flourish. Hubby and I both feel 14 is too young to start dating. We both agreed to let him 'group date', that is going to the movies, or bowling with a bunch of his friends. What do you think?

(Carolin)Is 14 to young to date? Hmmmm let me think......... YES!


Think about the reason we date. Is it to add another notch to the old experience belt or is it to find a partner for marriage. So, if your son is seriously considering marrying this person then sure go on the date. But if he isn't even thinking that way why does he need to 'one on one' date at 14.


(Louise)Marriage.........OMG! I think everybody just needs to calm down. My daughter is an early teen and she has already started dating. Yes, I would rather she just go out with her girlfriends and have fun as a group. She is not dating anyone at the moment and has decided that she just wants to be free and have fun with her girlfriends. That being said the only way she was able to come to that conclusion was to date, and find that out for herself. I guess I'm of the school that lets them discover things for themselves. To a certain extent and always keep the lines of communication open. The thing is, kids don't really date anymore.......they all go out as a group or they start by facebooking or texting and then start seeing each other. The days of going to movies or dinner as just a date are long gone. I think today the proper term is 'hooking up' or maybe 'dealing'........whatever,,, don't panic kids are a lot smarter than we sometimes give them credit for. Don't you remember what is was like....Come on it wasn't that long ago!!!!!!!!!

(Cathy)It's funny because I do remember the 'dating' thing started happening in middle school. Not to me mind you, but I wudda if I cudda! (date, I mean) Are kids today smarter or is it that they are just exposed to so much more than we were. As parents, we have to help guide them and let out enough rope so that they can experience life for themselves, but boy is it ever hard sometimes. Well, the younger one has accepted the compromise of going out with a group of friends. We have given him ideas of places to go, ie: movies, bowling or with summer coming up, a seasons pass to "Canada's Wonderland". It's funny because he is constantly in touch with her via MSN, or Facebook or texting and he has started using the home phone, a lot! We do not have call waiting so, to all my friends, if you get a busy signal..... call my cell!


(Sunshine) Everyone starts dating at different ages depending on the person. They will go out with (become boy friend and girl friend) no matter what we say. They will talk and hang out with each other at school and they will arrange to go out with friends and meet up with the boy friend or girl friend if they want to without you knowing it if it is forbidden. When do we let them openly date with our approval, well I think that it is a different answer for all of us and for our children. Many things can come into play. Age, the type of person they are seeing, how long it has been since there last relationship and how serious was the last relationship and many other things. Personally I would rather get to know someone that my child is interested in and spending a lot of time with, either on the net or at school. I would prefer that they meet at my house if dating is going to be permitted. My parents didn't let us date until much later in life. I did have boyfriends without them knowing when I was in grade 8 and later in high school but the restrictions made it a situation where there was hand holding only because I could only see them at school. They let me openly date when I was around 18 years old. Lets just say that things can get a lot more serious then just hand holding when you are alone with someone on a regular basis. Everyone must decide for themselves what is right for their children and it is probably what we as parents are most comfortable with. There is no right or wrong answer, just follow your instincts and you can't really go wrong.